Happy New Year

I always consider my birthday the beginning of a new year. I make resolutions, review the last year, look forward to the next. It's a fresh start for me.

My life seems to be shaping into something that I never expected. I'm making decisions that are different than what I planned. I'm looking forward to a very different life than what I have always imagined. I'm learning to let go of the "expected". Not just what I expected, but what I think others expect.

I'm excited about the next year. So much potential.

As I enter my next year on this planet, I have high hopes.

Happy Anniversary Josh.

testing how my pictures post

...so I can start a whole new blog for photography.

Photos from a recent session.

Just testing how this might work.

The fall

The problem with being a dreamer, is the let down.

If you fell in love, and got engaged to someone, then you both found out that they would be disabled for the rest of their lives....would you reconsider, knowing that getting married would mean signing on to be a caregiver, for the rest of your life?

Is your dream to be a rock star, or an actor? Would anyone willingly want a celebrity life, knowing that eyes would be on you all the time?

You know the saying, be careful what you wish for? I think there is a cost to every dream. Sometimes we don't know what that cost is, until we've signed on.

How often does the dream job, turn into a nightmare. How often does the cute guy turn out to be a jerk. How often does a long awaited vacation turn into a dissaster.

There are too many unknowns for me. I think it's why I hesitate to reach out for what I want. I don't know how it will turn out. and on the rare occasion, when I do take that chance, it's a horrible, painful letdown. It puts me too many steps backwards, makes me afraid all over again. And it takes so long to build up the courage to try again.

Needless to say...it was a no. I polite "thanks for trying, but no thanks."

How do you learn to trust after you've been tripped. What do you do after the fall?

building and rebuilding

Looking back, I have a few regrets. I was going to be an architect. I loved drafting and AutoCad and designing buildings, and took all the right classes in high school so I could do just that. Even then I doubted myself before I started. I somehow convinced myself...I gave up on that dream. Stopped applying to Universities because I was sure I wouldn't get any scholarships, and could never afford to go to University without it. I downgraded my plan to go to college for architectural technology. I spent a semester and a half learning how to design steel and concrete boxes, like factories, warehouse and such. I was so bored.

I wish I hadn't quit. I wish I had gone to University to become an architect. It would have been a smart decision, and I would have enjoyed it.

I wish I had a time machine.

He knows what he's talking about

I don't care what people say about Simon Cowell he knows what he's talking about.

Shaheen

I really love this show.