Happy New Year

I always consider my birthday the beginning of a new year. I make resolutions, review the last year, look forward to the next. It's a fresh start for me.

My life seems to be shaping into something that I never expected. I'm making decisions that are different than what I planned. I'm looking forward to a very different life than what I have always imagined. I'm learning to let go of the "expected". Not just what I expected, but what I think others expect.

I'm excited about the next year. So much potential.

As I enter my next year on this planet, I have high hopes.

Happy Anniversary Josh.

testing how my pictures post

...so I can start a whole new blog for photography.

Photos from a recent session.

Just testing how this might work.

The fall

The problem with being a dreamer, is the let down.

If you fell in love, and got engaged to someone, then you both found out that they would be disabled for the rest of their lives....would you reconsider, knowing that getting married would mean signing on to be a caregiver, for the rest of your life?

Is your dream to be a rock star, or an actor? Would anyone willingly want a celebrity life, knowing that eyes would be on you all the time?

You know the saying, be careful what you wish for? I think there is a cost to every dream. Sometimes we don't know what that cost is, until we've signed on.

How often does the dream job, turn into a nightmare. How often does the cute guy turn out to be a jerk. How often does a long awaited vacation turn into a dissaster.

There are too many unknowns for me. I think it's why I hesitate to reach out for what I want. I don't know how it will turn out. and on the rare occasion, when I do take that chance, it's a horrible, painful letdown. It puts me too many steps backwards, makes me afraid all over again. And it takes so long to build up the courage to try again.

Needless to say...it was a no. I polite "thanks for trying, but no thanks."

How do you learn to trust after you've been tripped. What do you do after the fall?

building and rebuilding

Looking back, I have a few regrets. I was going to be an architect. I loved drafting and AutoCad and designing buildings, and took all the right classes in high school so I could do just that. Even then I doubted myself before I started. I somehow convinced myself...I gave up on that dream. Stopped applying to Universities because I was sure I wouldn't get any scholarships, and could never afford to go to University without it. I downgraded my plan to go to college for architectural technology. I spent a semester and a half learning how to design steel and concrete boxes, like factories, warehouse and such. I was so bored.

I wish I hadn't quit. I wish I had gone to University to become an architect. It would have been a smart decision, and I would have enjoyed it.

I wish I had a time machine.

He knows what he's talking about

I don't care what people say about Simon Cowell he knows what he's talking about.

Shaheen

I really love this show.

"there is nothing that is harder to learn.... "

I have been reading the blog of Tim Ferriss, the author of "4 Hour Work-week" for almost a year, and find him rather fasinating. He goes well beyond 'time management".

He recently posted On The Shortness of Life by Lucius Seneca, something I had never read before. Upon reading this and linking to a few other things I am delving into the philosophy of Stoicism and I am intrigued.

There was a message in this essay that is thousands of years old, a message sent just for me:

"It is not that we have a short space of time, but that we waste much of it. Life is long enough, and it has been given in sufficiently generous measure to allow the accomplishment of the very greatest things if the whole of it is well invested....

...You live as if you were destined to live forever, no thought of your frailty ever enters your head, of how much time has already gone by you take no heed. You squander time as if you drew from a full and abundant supply, though all the while that day which you bestow on some person or thing is perhaps your last. You have all the fears of mortals and all the desires of immortals...

...There is nothing the busy man is less busied with than living: there is nothing that is harder to learn....

...The condition of all who are preoccupied is wretched, but most wretched is the condition of those who labour at preoccupations that are not even their own, who regulate their sleep by that of another, their walk by the pace of another, who are under orders in case of the freest things in the world—loving and hating. If these wish to know how short their life is, let them reflect how small a part of it is their own."



I want to get off this merry-go-round of the same disappointment over and over. I feel like a broken record, and I'm not sure how to jump off. Or I'm just afraid of scraping my knee. Josh and I watched The Wrestler last night. For a moment, in the heartbreak of the story about a washed up man, trying desperately to get back the glory of his youth, I felt a subtle ping of hope for myself. Maybe some people start off strong, succeed early on, know their dream from the start and take it. Maybe the rest of us, find that later on, work towards it and get there later. The truth is, I would rather find my dreams in the latter part of my life then, think I'd already lived them and have little else to look forward to.

This song has been a bit of an anthem for me lately, but I think I'll look for a new song. No more waiting.

Now she dreamed the dream....

Need a smile....just watch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxPZh4AnWyk&feature=related

A pilgrimage of sorts

I was looking at photos and reading about Journeys of Faith on MSN Travel, listing "the most significant pilgrimage destinations of the world’s religions." The list includes temples, and city's of historical relavence, Mosques, shrines and sanctuarys, marking places of visions, or birth places of historical religious leaders.

It seems to me that these are destinations of pilgrimages to worship people and man-made endeavors. If/when I take a pilgrimage, it will be to experience God, myself. Not to admire the places where others, a long time ago, experienced God. And I do believe that I will better experience God on a mountain top than inside a temple. Perhaps that is just me.

If you were going on a pilgrimage, where would you go?

Baby steps

Awhile ago, I sent away for a free information package from Tusker Trails , to research my dream trek up Kilimanjaro. Taking that little non-commital step was a big deal for me. It allowed me to take my dream one step closer to reality. I could research how much it would actually cost, how long it would take, and see video footage of an actual expedition on the DVD they sent.

I also realized I could extent the excursion into a safari adventure afterwards.

Just the act of gathering information and planning out the details, makes everything seem do-able and realistic.

What are the first baby steps of your journey?

My new cause

I'm finding it a bit rough, trying to get back into the grove of blogging regularly. I struggle to find something new and fresh to say, or to sort my thoughts out enough to focus on just one to post.

So today, I'll share a funny thought with you. My husband and I were hangin' out at Starbucks today and watched a cute little toddler being dragged along by her dad, who was holding on to her hand with a death grip. I wondered aloud; how often do little kids' arms get pins and needles from being held up above their heads so often and for so long?

It must be hard to have your arms straight up above your head half of the day.

Ok, I just have a soft spot for the trials and struggles of vertically challenged people, even if they're two.

We've come a long way baby!

My husband and I have just bought a brand new car. I never thought I would ever be able to have a brand new car. It's beautiful and snazzy, and "Octane Blue". The new 09 Mitsubishi Lancer GT, is a very welcome addition to the family, and great relief for my husband, the mechanic, who won't have to work on the car for at least 5 years (10 yr warranty, 5 bumper to bumper).

It's moments like this that I think "we've come a long way baby!"

I have a secret

If you haven't heard of PostSecret you are missing out. I've read all 4 books, and visit the website often. I am fascinated by other people's secrets, fears, and confessions. I relate to a lot of the ones I read, I feel like I know some of the others.

I envy the Catholic practice of confession. There is great relief in being able to voice your confessions, to admit guilt or fear, without judgement from family and friends.

I have a secret. Actually. I have many. We all do. I'm going to send in a postcard to Post Secret.

Dream big or go home

Mount Kilimanjaro is the highest peak in Africa, located in Tanzania, near the border of Kenya. At 19,340 ft, it is the easiest mountain to climb of the world's great mountains. I have dreamt of making the trek to the peak of Kilimanjaro for half my life. Today as I sit in my living room typing this, I am further away from Kilimanjaro than I have ever been, but my desire to be there is stronger than ever. I have always felt that if I could conquer Kilimanjaro, I could do anything.
But…
I’m unfit, unconfident, and in debt too much to save for a trek like this. It would be impossible. Wouldn’t it? I’ve heard a lot of talk about visualizing your dreams, setting goals and watching triumphantly as dreams come true before your eyes.
I’ve also heard that through Christ all things are possible.
I need to know that this is possible. By my own strength, by the power of Christ, by destiny, whatever. My life will feel incomplete somehow until this is done.

This is one of my missions. And I’m inviting you to watch me succeed or fail. I don’t know how long it will take me to succeed or admit failure. I’m not even sure where to begin. But I will test all of my limitations on this journey.

Dream big or go home, kids.