It's morning, my brain isn't de-fogged yet. I just read that Japanese researchers have officially declared 35 as the age that women start aging rapidly. The beginning of the end. I have seven months of my youth left I guess. What will I do with it? Perhaps I should get the $250 anti-aging skin cream, created by the same researchers who conducted this very scientific survey. Will that bring back the uninhibited ideas and unsquashed dreams. Will it bring back the endless energy and the days that I had simple worries, like which leg warmers to wear. Will it bring back the fearless adventurer in me.
You see it's not the wrinkles that I fear. It's the death of my youthful spirit, the girl who daydreamed and wished on stars and found magic in everyday things. I miss her.
I also did a quick test from a book and realized that I have some serious avoidence issues. I haven't got to the point in the book that tells me what to do about it, but I'm avoiding that part, because I'm sure it will tell me to do all kinds of things that make me uncomfortable. That's another part of my youth I miss. when you're young, you are always uncomfortable, so you get uesed to it, and it doesn't always stop you. As I've gotten older, my comfort zone is very important to me. I feel I've earned the right to not feel uncomfortable. To feel secure and safe in my bubble, and how dare you ask me to leave that bubble.
So I guess I have some serious avoidence issues I need to work on.
I'm writing again. Really. A novel that I've been thinking about writing for years. It requires a lot of research but the story is already there. It is inspired by the very real lives of my grandparents, about their youth. I don't think I would have had their courage.
February 9, 2011
August 15, 2010
So what's your point Darryl?
So what if I haven't blogged in almost a year. So what. Maybe I have nothing to say. Maybe, I don't want to expose my thoughts in public domain.
Ok, so today was a little walk down memory lane, or should I say "Reminder Lane". 2 people I hadn't seen in a while, asked if I'd been writing anything. The answer is obviously "no", I said with shame written all over my face. Why should I feel guilty anyway. It's my life, I can write if I want to, or not write.
Then I remember going out for coffee with my dad at the Coffee House, so I could tell him, I was dropping out of college, to pursue a career in writing. I gave up a practical career in Architecture, to pursue this passion of mine.
oh yeah and a few years later, I put everything on the line, money I didn't have, money I "borrowed", to move out to BC to go to school, for this same passion of mine. I came back with so much debt , but a completed diploma, with every intention of reaching for that star.
This dream chasing is not for the faint hearted. Dreamers can be fickle when faced with even the hint of failure, the scent of rejection. All the encouragement in the world cannot protect the dreamer from the cruel blows of critisism. That armour has to come from within. It is forged by our own will, our own desire to be something more.
Ok, so today was a little walk down memory lane, or should I say "Reminder Lane". 2 people I hadn't seen in a while, asked if I'd been writing anything. The answer is obviously "no", I said with shame written all over my face. Why should I feel guilty anyway. It's my life, I can write if I want to, or not write.
Then I remember going out for coffee with my dad at the Coffee House, so I could tell him, I was dropping out of college, to pursue a career in writing. I gave up a practical career in Architecture, to pursue this passion of mine.
oh yeah and a few years later, I put everything on the line, money I didn't have, money I "borrowed", to move out to BC to go to school, for this same passion of mine. I came back with so much debt , but a completed diploma, with every intention of reaching for that star.
This dream chasing is not for the faint hearted. Dreamers can be fickle when faced with even the hint of failure, the scent of rejection. All the encouragement in the world cannot protect the dreamer from the cruel blows of critisism. That armour has to come from within. It is forged by our own will, our own desire to be something more.
September 2, 2009
Happy New Year
I always consider my birthday the beginning of a new year. I make resolutions, review the last year, look forward to the next. It's a fresh start for me.
My life seems to be shaping into something that I never expected. I'm making decisions that are different than what I planned. I'm looking forward to a very different life than what I have always imagined. I'm learning to let go of the "expected". Not just what I expected, but what I think others expect.
I'm excited about the next year. So much potential.
As I enter my next year on this planet, I have high hopes.
Happy Anniversary Josh.
My life seems to be shaping into something that I never expected. I'm making decisions that are different than what I planned. I'm looking forward to a very different life than what I have always imagined. I'm learning to let go of the "expected". Not just what I expected, but what I think others expect.
I'm excited about the next year. So much potential.
As I enter my next year on this planet, I have high hopes.
Happy Anniversary Josh.
June 27, 2009
June 23, 2009
May 25, 2009
The fall
The problem with being a dreamer, is the let down.
If you fell in love, and got engaged to someone, then you both found out that they would be disabled for the rest of their lives....would you reconsider, knowing that getting married would mean signing on to be a caregiver, for the rest of your life?
Is your dream to be a rock star, or an actor? Would anyone willingly want a celebrity life, knowing that eyes would be on you all the time?
You know the saying, be careful what you wish for? I think there is a cost to every dream. Sometimes we don't know what that cost is, until we've signed on.
How often does the dream job, turn into a nightmare. How often does the cute guy turn out to be a jerk. How often does a long awaited vacation turn into a dissaster.
There are too many unknowns for me. I think it's why I hesitate to reach out for what I want. I don't know how it will turn out. and on the rare occasion, when I do take that chance, it's a horrible, painful letdown. It puts me too many steps backwards, makes me afraid all over again. And it takes so long to build up the courage to try again.
Needless to say...it was a no. I polite "thanks for trying, but no thanks."
How do you learn to trust after you've been tripped. What do you do after the fall?
If you fell in love, and got engaged to someone, then you both found out that they would be disabled for the rest of their lives....would you reconsider, knowing that getting married would mean signing on to be a caregiver, for the rest of your life?
Is your dream to be a rock star, or an actor? Would anyone willingly want a celebrity life, knowing that eyes would be on you all the time?
You know the saying, be careful what you wish for? I think there is a cost to every dream. Sometimes we don't know what that cost is, until we've signed on.
How often does the dream job, turn into a nightmare. How often does the cute guy turn out to be a jerk. How often does a long awaited vacation turn into a dissaster.
There are too many unknowns for me. I think it's why I hesitate to reach out for what I want. I don't know how it will turn out. and on the rare occasion, when I do take that chance, it's a horrible, painful letdown. It puts me too many steps backwards, makes me afraid all over again. And it takes so long to build up the courage to try again.
Needless to say...it was a no. I polite "thanks for trying, but no thanks."
How do you learn to trust after you've been tripped. What do you do after the fall?
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