Audio books.

I have found a new passion. Audio books. I was at the library and saw an audio book of a title I have read before and loved and have been meaning to re-read. So it's in the car, and my commute, which until now has become the most annoying part of my day, is now the time I look forward to the most.

The only downsize, is that I'm limited to when I can listen to it. Just as the book gets to that point where the plot turns and you know answers are coming, the point in the story where, normally I would be up till 3am furiously turning pages trying to get to the end, I have to leave the book and wait till tomorrow to hear the next pages. Or else slip out of bed at 1am to sneak down to the car in my pj's. That would just be weird...or would it.

I'm reading the Thirteenth Tale, by Diane Setterfield. It's fantastic by the way.

I love audio books.

The beginning of the end.

It's morning, my brain isn't de-fogged yet. I just read that Japanese researchers have officially declared 35 as the age that women start aging rapidly. The beginning of the end. I have seven months of my youth left I guess. What will I do with it? Perhaps I should get the $250 anti-aging skin cream, created by the same researchers who conducted this very scientific survey. Will that bring back the uninhibited ideas and unsquashed dreams. Will it bring back the endless energy and the days that I had simple worries, like which leg warmers to wear. Will it bring back the fearless adventurer in me.

You see it's not the wrinkles that I fear. It's the death of my youthful spirit, the girl who daydreamed and wished on stars and found magic in everyday things. I miss her.

I also did a quick test from a book and realized that I have some serious avoidence issues. I haven't got to the point in the book that tells me what to do about it, but I'm avoiding that part, because I'm sure it will tell me to do all kinds of things that make me uncomfortable. That's another part of my youth I miss. when you're young, you are always uncomfortable, so you get uesed to it, and it doesn't always stop you. As I've gotten older, my comfort zone is very important to me. I feel I've earned the right to not feel uncomfortable. To feel secure and safe in my bubble, and how dare you ask me to leave that bubble.
So I guess I have some serious avoidence issues I need to work on.

I'm writing again. Really. A novel that I've been thinking about writing for years. It requires a lot of research but the story is already there. It is inspired by the very real lives of my grandparents, about their youth. I don't think I would have had their courage.

So what's your point Darryl?

So what if I haven't blogged in almost a year. So what. Maybe I have nothing to say. Maybe, I don't want to expose my thoughts in public domain.

Ok, so today was a little walk down memory lane, or should I say "Reminder Lane". 2 people I hadn't seen in a while, asked if I'd been writing anything. The answer is obviously "no", I said with shame written all over my face. Why should I feel guilty anyway. It's my life, I can write if I want to, or not write.

Then I remember going out for coffee with my dad at the Coffee House, so I could tell him, I was dropping out of college, to pursue a career in writing. I gave up a practical career in Architecture, to pursue this passion of mine.

oh yeah and a few years later, I put everything on the line, money I didn't have, money I "borrowed", to move out to BC to go to school, for this same passion of mine. I came back with so much debt , but a completed diploma, with every intention of reaching for that star.

This dream chasing is not for the faint hearted. Dreamers can be fickle when faced with even the hint of failure, the scent of rejection. All the encouragement in the world cannot protect the dreamer from the cruel blows of critisism. That armour has to come from within. It is forged by our own will, our own desire to be something more.

Happy New Year

I always consider my birthday the beginning of a new year. I make resolutions, review the last year, look forward to the next. It's a fresh start for me.

My life seems to be shaping into something that I never expected. I'm making decisions that are different than what I planned. I'm looking forward to a very different life than what I have always imagined. I'm learning to let go of the "expected". Not just what I expected, but what I think others expect.

I'm excited about the next year. So much potential.

As I enter my next year on this planet, I have high hopes.

Happy Anniversary Josh.

testing how my pictures post

...so I can start a whole new blog for photography.

Photos from a recent session.

Just testing how this might work.